The happy trap

So you missed it again! That moment of sheer joy, heart flutters and delight. The moment you felt happy. You were there in physical form and disregarded it. 

It happened so fast that you barely took a moment to absorb the joy, passing by in a snap. Now, back to your usual self, searching for happiness.

Our minds are sneaky. You are unaware that you are doing it. Each day is like automated action, carrying out your day and taking no notice of the little things that made your day so special. The day feels like it was just another day, a regular type of day, trying to reach your goals. Telling yourself when I get the new car that I am saving for, I will be happy. When I find the love of my life, when I have got the job, when we get the new house, the list goes on.

Finding our true happiness can be misleading. We thought we would be happy if we reached our goals. Did we know what happiness was? 

According to the Oxford dictionary, happiness is feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. A state of mind that we feel when we are happy. 

We thought we would be happy when we had

• plenty of money
• in great physical shape
• a family
• amazing friends
• that lovely car
• the brand new phone

The list is endless. Pushing ourselves to strive for the best, then we will be happy?

Goals can be big or small or both, but we should reward the growth surely? The goals should be realistic, or we could be aiming for possible failure and therefore unhappy?

When we think of goals, surely it would be more productive and positive to set smaller goals that we can reach? A sort of happy growth? 

So how will you know when you are happy?

Sometimes the very things that are around us are what someone else is chasing. We missed them because we were too busy trying to reach a different target. What would make you happy? 

Why do we need to chase for something else? Should we be happy with what we have? For some, the desire to keep on pushing, creates a fix. A hit, a buzz. A buzz so strong that you have to keep moving to the next one. What about those who reach goal after goal and they are still not happy?

Does that mean we have set our expectations of happiness so high that we will never reach it? Are we missing what is in front of us? 

Social media is everywhere, with all the latest gadgets, best cars, best homes, best of everything. The phone you had last week you thought was fantastic, is now all of a sudden no good! You have seen the next one available, the one you want. The next best phone is a must - but is it a temporary fix? If all these adverts show us the best all the time, how can we ever be satisfied and happy? 

Being happy and in a positive state of mind has such an impact on our life, less likely to be poorly, we can cope better with difficult situations, live longer, we smile more. 

If we were contempt with what we have, love, family, items we have always wanted, a beautiful home, then we would be happy, desiring nothing else? Everything we have always wanted is right there? 

Our brains are clever though they remember these feelings and thoughts. Research shows that our brains absorb much more information and detail from negative experiences. For example, you had your work appraisal today. The feedback was fantastic, with a few points to consider for improvement. Our brain wants to focus and dwell on these points. When asked about the appraisal, you give negative feedback saying it didn't go very well.

The details stored in our brains for negative experiences are far greater than positives. Maybe this is why we remember negative times or experiences far easier. If the brain naturally absorbs much more detail about negative experiences and thoughts, then it's no wonder we sometimes struggle to be positive and happy?

What could we change? What helps?

Some simple techniques we could try -

• Practise writing down your strengths. Try not to be too harsh on yourself. Perhaps display your list of strengths where you can see them each day, a reminder of how amazing you are.
• "Comparison is the thief of joy" No one is you, and that is your uniqueness. Be proud of yourself and what you have achieved, no matter how big or small. Try not to compare yourself to others. 
• Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Find your people, people that like and love you just the way.
• Practise positive responses - when you feel yourself having negative thoughts or reactions, practise a different response, try and find the positive. 
• Place items in the home that bring you joy. Photos of loved ones, decor that makes you happy or has special meanings.
• Go outside, go for a walk, or find somewhere to sit and breathe in the fresh air. It doesn't have to be a hot day. A cold crisp day will feel just as good. Wrap up warm and take a stroll.
• If you can, try giving or doing things for others. Giving doesn't have to be with money but with our time and energy. 
• Try something new. Learn a new skill or take up a new sport in your spare time. Keep your mind on positive activities that you enjoy.
• Encourage your mind to be strong. There will be days when you can't seem to pull it together, facing negative thought after negative thought, but know that the day will pass and tomorrow is a new day. 
• Rest and sleep. We can face the day much easier when we have had a good sleep. Sleep helps our brain function better and our well-being.

There are lots we can do to help us achieve our quest for happiness. Think about some of the ideas above that you could use to improve your well being and happiness. 

If you would like further reading about the science of happiness, there is a fabulous site with lots more information https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-happiness/

Thanks for reading

Georgie ✌🏼